And She Paints


I got a lot of work done today & it felt good.  I turn my phones on and returned calls & it felt good.  I had a visit from SEH (Someone Else’s Husband with whom I have been having an affair for over a decade) DID NOT have sex with him & it felt good.  I even painted which I haven’t done in a while & it felt good.  I also did drugs today & yes it felt good.


What a Waste

AWAKE!  Yesterday was a totally waste of life.  Called it a night early because sleep has become my only means of escape.  Only to have the hardwired fire alarm go off at 2:45 a.m. – seriously!  And it blasted for a good 15 minutes before the fire department came and shut it off. 

AWAKE!   I wonder if I will turn my phones on today and listen to my messages.  I wonder if anyone really cares.  I do have work to do but no motivation to do it. 

AWAKE!  I don’t feel good.  I wonder if it is the LACK of drugs I have been doing or allergies.  Probably both – fuck!  I just want to feel better. 

It’s NOT all about ME

You guessed it………….I woke up.  Wednesday is the only day of the week I have to get up to an alarm.  Wednesday is the only day I have to think of someone else other than me.   Wednesday is the only day that really is a crap shoot – It will either be a good day or a bad day and it is not up to me.

I believe………………

  • That the majority of the time a man’s car is an extension of his penis.
  • You become a police officer for one of two reasons.  You either have a sincere want to help people or you were picked on when you were a kid and now you are going to get revenge.  I believe the majority fall into the latter category.
  • In living simply.
  • Recycling.
  • I spend way too much money on drugs.
  • If there wasn’t addictions to drugs and alcohol that our nation’s jails and prisons would be next to empty.  That 95% (maybe even higher) of the crimes are committed by people who are either under the influence or they are looking for money to purchase drugs or alcohol.
  • In blending in.
  • My body is slowly failing me and I wish it would hurry up.
  • Some people feel so righteous about something that they totally close their minds to the thought there might be another way to do something.
  • That if my house is an order than my life will be in order and that can’t be further from the truth.

The Big Chill








The vicious cycle continues……………

The bank account continues to shrink…………..

My body continues to fail me but not fast enough……..

I continue to ignore the telephone………………

The Big Chill plays on the television………..

When will it end?

Waiting for the Drugs to kick in


Woke up again today – Damn it.  It really is amazing – the amount of drugs I digest in a day and I still continue to wake up every fuckin morning.  Every Fuckin Morning……………………..grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I believe……………..

  • A person should have the right to take their own life.
  • That I have no idea what true love really is.
  • I am having a hard time right now.