I got a lot of work done today & it felt good. I turn my phones on and returned calls & it felt good. I had a visit from SEH (Someone Else’s Husband with whom I have been having an affair for over a decade) DID NOT have sex with him & it felt good. I even painted which I haven’t done in a while & it felt good. I also did drugs today & yes it felt good.
AWAKE! Yesterday was a totally waste of life. Called it a night early because sleep has become my only means of escape. Only to have the hardwired fire alarm go off at 2:45 a.m. – seriously! And it blasted for a good 15 minutes before the fire department came and shut it off.
AWAKE! I wonder if I will turn my phones on today and listen to my messages. I wonder if anyone really cares. I do have work to do but no motivation to do it.
AWAKE! I don’t feel good. I wonder if it is the LACK of drugs I have been doing or allergies. Probably both – fuck! I just want to feel better.
I’m a mess.
Grateful the sun is NOT shining.
Shut both phones off.
Feel like shit!
Made some breakfast.
Lounging on the couch.
Watching the idiot box.
Wishing I had a fix……………….a fix……………….a fix to fix my life.
Awake! But I don’t remember falling asleep – blacked out. I may do a lot of drugs but I very rarely drink alcohol. I did last night. Shit! I don’t remember. Shit! And I guess I am a little hungover. Just a little. Shit! I want to go back to sleep – and not wake up.
You guessed it………….I woke up. Wednesday is the only day of the week I have to get up to an alarm. Wednesday is the only day I have to think of someone else other than me. Wednesday is the only day that really is a crap shoot – It will either be a good day or a bad day and it is not up to me.
- That the majority of the time a man’s car is an extension of his penis.
- You become a police officer for one of two reasons. You either have a sincere want to help people or you were picked on when you were a kid and now you are going to get revenge. I believe the majority fall into the latter category.
- In living simply.
- I spend way too much money on drugs.
- If there wasn’t addictions to drugs and alcohol that our nation’s jails and prisons would be next to empty. That 95% (maybe even higher) of the crimes are committed by people who are either under the influence or they are looking for money to purchase drugs or alcohol.
- In blending in.
- My body is slowly failing me and I wish it would hurry up.
- Some people feel so righteous about something that they totally close their minds to the thought there might be another way to do something.
- That if my house is an order than my life will be in order and that can’t be further from the truth.
Woke up again today – Damn it. It really is amazing – the amount of drugs I digest in a day and I still continue to wake up every fuckin morning. Every Fuckin Morning……………………..grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
- A person should have the right to take their own life.
- That I have no idea what true love really is.
- I am having a hard time right now.