I often refer to myself as a recovering Catholic – as in a recovering alcoholic. It is meant to be sarcastic and funny. Though some people do not look at it that way.
I was raised Catholic. As I grew older and could “think for myself” so to speak I realized that I did not believe in a lot of what the Catholic religion was teaching. I know many a person who are the meanest, cruelest, unscrupulous individuals on the planet but they believe that if they go to church on Sundays – confess their “sins” and “God” will forgive them so they can go out and do it all over again the next week and repeat the process.
I think NOT.
Actually I have a hard time believing in any one form of “organized religion.” But let me make this clear – I will not judge or knock someone for their religious beliefs. It’s just not for me – especially in the case of the scenario I described above. And I do have a problem with people who are so righteous about their beliefs that their minds have narrowed and they just flat-out refuse to acknowledge others beliefs – extremist – is that what they are called?
I will tell you what I do believe in.
- I believe there is an afterlife.
- I believe you should treat people the way you would like to be treated.
- I believe in gratitude.
- I believe in respect, respecting others and respecting this earth.
- I believe in spirits. Some may call them ghost and yes I have seen spirits.
- I believe that things happen for a reason. Absolutely EVERYTHING happens for a reason and sometimes we may never know that reason.
- I believe in Karma. What goes around comes around. It may not happen right away or in this lifetime but it will. Karma’s a bitch.
- I believe that two wrongs don’t make a right.
- I believe in same-sex marriage and equal rights.
- I believe it is a women’s right to choice.
- I believe in second chances – sometimes third chances and so on.
- I believe the moon, the sun, the stars, the universe really do affect people, their moods, their mindsets.
- I believe in the power of human touch. I believe a hug can go a long way.
- I believe you don’t have to go to church to be a good person.
- I believe in miracles.
It’s like I have my own little “religion” – my own “church of one.” and it can get pretty lonely in this church.
Please don’t get me wrong – I am far from perfect – no one is perfect. I make mistakes – big mistakes – for crying out loud I have been having an affair with SEH for over 12 years and if I believed in that Catholic upbringing of mine I would be headed straight to HELL.
I sometimes wonder if I would be in a better place in my life – in a better frame of mind – if I was part of a religious group. I often wonder if I wouldn’t be so depressed or so depended on drugs. I have tried AA and NA and I know they work for many people but my problem was with the way they brought “God” into it. I think about the times I have been in the hospital for the fuckin’ cancer and they would ask about my religion. “Church of one” wasn’t on the list. I will have no “death-bed” confessions. A “DOR” will be hanging above my bed – but they don’t actually hang the “DOR” last I checked it was a “red dot” or something like that.
I really just try to be the best person I can be. I believe I am a kind person. In a world full of “takers” I am a giving person by nature. I believe people often mistake my kindness as a weakness and sometimes I let them. AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I AM GOING WITH THIS POST – maybe deep inside I am worried about the afterlife and where I will be spending it. Though outwardly I would think not and say not but something prompted me to write this and I don’t know what it is.
On an entirely different note I would like to thank someone. You may not know her. I have never met her in person and actually just started reading her blog shortly after I started mine. I started this blog because it is the beginning of the end of my life. I have thought about the end and just how difficult & painful it might be. I have thought about suicide – and wonder if as the time gets closer if this is an option. I believe I keyed in the search word “suicide” and it brought me to this wonderful human being. This person who has experienced such a personal & difficult tragedy in their life yet they have made the decision to share it with the world. It’s important to me that she know she is making a difference. She has recently reached out to me in a personal level and I just might take her up on that offer. Rhonda and her blog, My Bright Shining Star, I just want to thank you for being a “giving” person, a kind person – thank you for sharing your experience – thank you for reaching out – thank you for being you.