Average Exhaustion

I wrote what is below yesterday.   I was so exhausted when I got home I didn’t even wash my average face or brush my average teeth.  I just collapsed in my average bed.

And for some reason unbeknowst to me I have been up since 3:36 a.m.  It is alarm clock Wednesday but seriously……..3:36 a.m.  Wednesdays are my day devoted to thinking about someone else.  Wednesdays keep me humble.  Wednesdays keep me grounded.  Wednesdays keep me average.

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My life is average (for lack of better terminology.) I live in an average apartment in an average neighborhood in an average city.  I drive an average car.   I dress in average clothes.  My hair cut is average.  Actually I would venture to say my life is below average.  Nothing in my life is elaborate or extreme.  Nothing in my life and nothing about me screams “LOOK AT ME” or “GIVE ME YOUR ATTENTION.”  And I like it that way – I like to blend in.

I am not an attention seeker.  I purposely try not to draw attention to myself.  I don’t need it.  I don’t want it.  YET, there is a part of my life that puts me in the public eye – that gives me the attention I seriously don’t want.  Like it or not – sometimes I have to deal with it.  And I have learned that some people in this world have no boundaries, no limits, no concept on allowing someone to have their personal space.

I don’t know how celebrities do it!!!!  Seriously, how messed up is it to have strangers with cameras waiting for you to walk out your front door – have a baby – take a shit – so they can tell the rest of the world about it.  That is messed up!  And is the rest of the world just as messed up for wanted to hear about it?

So, today, like it or not is one of those times I will have “attention” on me.  It’s not the first time and it certainly won’t be the last time.  It’s part of my job and if I want to continue to have an income I need to deal with it.

I am sitting on my average couch right now, sipping my average coffee and other than for the hum of the average air conditioner the average apartment is quiet.  I will take an average shower, put on average yet appropriate clothes and maybe some average make-up.  I will fix my average hair, put on some average jewelry and work on what average belongings I will need to take with me.   I will try to work on prepping my average thoughts on what will need to be said before I pop some “not so average” pills into my average mouth and hop in my average car and drive to the first of my two “not so average” events that I need to be at this evening.

Then…………………………………………………………………..

The second I drive out of the garage things stop being close to average.  Nothing about the events of this evening will be average anymore.  “They” say it is all about perception and “they” are right.  I will keep a pleasant look or smile on my average face the whole evening.  I will try my best to make sure any words that exit my average mouth are deliberate and meaningful.  I will keep correcting my poor but average posture all night.  I will shake hands, kiss cheeks, exchange pleasantries and remember to cross my average ankles when seated.

I WILL NOT………….sneak out for an average cigarette though I will want to very badly.  I  WILL NOT……….partake in the drinking of any alcoholic beverages though I will want to very badly.   I WILL NOT…………utter an average swear word though I absolutely adore swearing.

I WILL……………..be fuckin exhausted by the end of the evening.  “Putting” on the “public me” is probably one of the most exhausting things I have to do in my life.  It wasn’t always this bad – over the past year it has become increasingly necessary for me to put on the “public me.”

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