Run Away

As usual I am having a hard time articulating my thoughts – a hard time concentrating – a hard time communicating.  A HARD TIME.

Why did I decide to start a blog?

What was I suppose to be doing today?  Why is everything so difficult?

I would like to run away.  Then again I really can’t run away from myself.283973_10150276832508305_1829421_n

2 thoughts on “Run Away

  1. No you can’t run away from yourself, but you can confront and learn from your mistakes and grow from it. There is never nothing wrong with failure, the only time that there is, is when you don’t even try. Keep failing forward my friend 🙂

  2. When I was a little boy I was hurt very badly by pretty much everyone who should have died to protect me, emotionally, physically and sexually…. When I was 13 my older brother attempted to kill himself by putting the first gun I was ever given in his mouth and pulling the trigger… The scream and the sound of the gun going off haunted my dreams for years, not to mention being covered in his blood as he lay I my arms. When the ambulance arrived EVERYONE left to the hospital…..cept the youngest very scared child (me) I found myself alone for 2 days…it was Sunday, the next day I got myself up and ready for school, strange thing all of a sudden I had no memory of the childhood that was just stolen from me, other than the nightmares that persist to this day… I had succeeded in running away from myself. The problem was I was never really me from that point on, my veins flowed with hatred and anger and mistrust of EVERYONE that I was supposed to love, relationships suffered, friendships….yeah right. Then I met my current wife, (if you know the story of Dante and Beatrice, I believe that I have searched for her for 2000 years and now we are together) so down came all of my walls and together I started to heal… Then she relapsed into severe OCD, me without any defenses and trying to come to grips with my childhood suddenly all by myself and utterly lost…. So I would say yes you can run from yourself, problem is you just can’t run far enough or fast enough to get away…. My monsters are not under my bed, they are in my head and now that they have found me they are pissed….. Don’t run from them, fight them and kill those motherfuckers…… I kill mine one by one, one day they will all be gone, I hope. Anyway I hope something here that I have said makes sense to you…. Not sure why I said it all just felt right….. I love my wife more than I fear my demons, but they are real fucken scary.

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