Today is Nothing

Today it is raining – I like when it rains.  Today is Friday the 13th – 13 has always been my favorite number & I never believed in superstitions.   Today is my birthday – just another day.  Today, years ago, I was born to a mother & father who are no longer on this earth.  Today, years ago, I was born into a family that no longer exist – brothers & sisters whom have either left this earth or chosen not to be part of my life or I theirs.  Today, years ago, I was brought into this world and I often wonder what my life would be like if my family was still around, if I didn’t fuck up my life the way I did, if I wasn’t so weak, if I didn’t get cancer, if I wasn’t addicted to drugs, if I was “normal.”  What is “normal” anyway?

I don’t know why I chose to tell you it was the day I was born on.  Maybe I do need someone to acknowledge it (shrugging my shoulders) – maybe I do need some sort of validation.

It will be a day just like any other day – nothing special – I will continue to work on that damn project that is due on Monday.  I am grateful I don’t have to put on the “public me” today.  That I can just stay inside, enjoy the rain, partake in some non prescribed drugs, maybe even cook (something I don’t do often) or better yet paint – though I haven’t felt the desire to pick up a paint brush that much lately.   I will continue to ignore the telephone, emails, SEH, the world and anything else that might add to my stress.

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Life is going to go on with or without me.  I am nothing but a grain of sand on an earth covered with sand dunes.   I am nothing but a piece of space debris in a universe full of stars.  I am nothing but a drop of rain in the ocean we call life.   I am nothing.

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6 thoughts on “Today is Nothing

  1. Happy Birthday…..For What It’s Worth No One Here Is Getting Out Alive……Well Wishes

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