9-24-13 6:30 A.M. After not sleeping my day begin. I experienced a lot of emotions, feelings, tests both phsyical & mental and pain. Got home around midnight, tossed, turned, cried, tossed, turned, cried and didn’t sleep a wink for the 2nd night in a row. Today would of normally been “Alarm Clock Wednesday” but I ended up calling and through the tears and sobbing I got the words, “Sorry I can’t make it in” out of my mouth. Hung up the phone, swallowed two sleeping pills and slept for 3 hours…………………seriously 3 fuckin hours.
The clock had not even struck noontime yet and I was running on 3 hours sleep, my body ached as well as my heart and I struggled just to make myself something to eat. Spent a little time on the couch and managed to get another hours sleep. I have not showered, brushed my teeth or dressed and I am still sitting on the couch.
I have not picked up one telephone call nor have I answered one email. I have not said “It is what it is” once which was my saying of the day the day before. I will head into my bedroom soon where I will hope a little reading will get me out of my head and the thoughts of my future and hopefully the powers that be will let me sleep this evening. 9-25-13 8:40 P.M.