CHURCH OF ONE

I often refer to myself as a recovering Catholic – as in a recovering alcoholic.  It is meant to be sarcastic and funny.  Though some people do not look at it that way.

I was raised Catholic.   As I grew older and could “think for myself” so to speak I realized that I did not believe in a lot of what the Catholic religion was teaching.  I know many a person who are the meanest, cruelest, unscrupulous individuals on the planet but they believe that if they go to church on Sundays – confess their “sins” and “God” will forgive them so they can go out and do it all over again the next week and repeat the process.

I think NOT.

Actually I have a hard time believing in any one form of “organized religion.”   But let me make this clear – I will not judge or knock someone for their religious beliefs.  It’s just not for me – especially in the case of the scenario I described above.   And I do have a problem with people who are so righteous about their beliefs that their minds have narrowed and they just flat-out refuse to acknowledge others beliefs – extremist – is that what they are called?

I will tell you what I do believe in.

  • I believe there is an afterlife.
  • I believe you should treat people the way you would like to be treated.
  • I believe in gratitude.
  • I believe in respect, respecting others and respecting this earth.
  • I believe in spirits.  Some may call them ghost and yes I have seen spirits.
  • I believe that things happen for a reason.  Absolutely EVERYTHING happens for a reason and sometimes we may never know that reason.
  • I believe in Karma.  What goes around comes around.  It may not happen right away or in this lifetime but it will.  Karma’s a bitch.
  • I believe that two wrongs don’t make a right.
  • I believe in same-sex marriage and equal rights.
  • I believe it is a women’s right to choice.
  • I believe in second chances – sometimes third chances and so on.
  • I believe the moon, the sun, the stars, the universe really do affect people, their moods, their mindsets.
  • I believe in the power of human touch.  I believe a hug can go a long way.
  • I believe you don’t have to go to church to be a good person.
  • I believe in miracles.

It’s like I have my own little “religion” – my own “church of one.” and it can get pretty lonely in this church.

Please don’t get me wrong – I am far from perfect – no one is perfect.  I make mistakes – big mistakes – for crying out loud I have been having an affair with SEH for over 12 years and if I believed in that Catholic upbringing of mine I would be headed straight to HELL.

I sometimes wonder if I would be in a better place in my life – in a better frame of mind – if I was part of a religious group.  I often wonder if I wouldn’t be so depressed or so depended on drugs.  I have tried AA and NA and I know they work for many people but my problem was with the way they brought “God” into it.  I think about the times I have been in the hospital for  the fuckin’ cancer and they would ask about my religion. “Church of one” wasn’t on the list.  I will have no “death-bed” confessions.  A “DOR” will be hanging above my bed – but they don’t actually hang the “DOR”  last I checked it was a “red dot” or something like that.

I really just try to be the best person I can be.  I believe I am a kind person.  In a world full of “takers” I am a giving person by nature.  I believe people often mistake my kindness as a weakness and sometimes I let them.   AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I AM GOING WITH THIS POST – maybe deep inside I am worried about the afterlife and where I will be spending it.  Though outwardly I would think not and say not but something prompted me to write this and I don’t know what it is.

On an entirely different note I would like to thank someone.  You may not know her.  I have never met her in person and actually just started reading her blog shortly after I started mine.  I started this blog because it is the beginning of the end of my life.  I have thought about the end and just how difficult & painful it might be.  I have thought about suicide – and wonder if as the time gets closer if this is an option.  I believe I keyed in the search word “suicide” and it brought me to this wonderful human being.  This person who has experienced such a personal & difficult tragedy in their life yet they have made the decision to share it with the world.  It’s important to me that she know she is making a difference.  She has recently reached out to me in a personal level and I just might take her up on that offer.  Rhonda and her blog, My Bright Shining Star, I just want to thank you for being a “giving” person, a kind person – thank you for sharing your experience – thank you for reaching out – thank you for being you.

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4 thoughts on “CHURCH OF ONE

  1. Well Put…..Me born Again atheist…….But I As Well Mock No One That doesn’t Mock Me First….Be Well.. Oh Try icecream It works Miracles….I SUre Do Miss It

  2. Regardless of religion….even if there was no promise of heaven I would still choose Jesus Christ. My life is better with Him in it. Having that hope and His saving grace is all I need.

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