Not really – I like rainy days – especially if I can just stay in and do nothing but today I need to put on the “public me” and go out in the rain. The good thing is I don’t melt like the wicked witch of the east or was it north – west?
When people talk about friends I always say “I have no friends” – that really is a lie. I have a few friends. I consider my friends to be the people who when I am with I know nothing – I mean nothing – will happen to me physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually. I can count these friends on one hand – actually one hand would be too much. These friends don’t judge me, they love me even when I don’t love myself and they support me. These friends – I trust them – trust is difficult for me. These friends don’t want anything from me – they just want to be friends.
But if you ask me about acquaintances and I will tell you I have many. There really is a big difference between the two. A person only knows me as well as I chose to let them know me. They only know me as well as what I tell them about myself. The whole friend / acquaintance thing has always been difficult for me. I think it’s part of the whole trust thing. It is also part of the whole “public” / “private me” thing. It’s hard to tell who really likes you and wants to be friendly or who just needs something and is pretending to be friendly. Does that make sense? I think a lot of it has to do with a lot of people mistaking my kindness for a weakness. I’ve become more jaded and cynical over the years from people using me.
I have learned over the years that women are emotional beings and men are physical beings and that is why I truly believe it is hard for a man and a woman to be true friends. It’s not impossible but it is rare. I believe either one or the other gets in the way – either the emotional part or the physical part.
Again, I have no idea where I am going with this post – maybe I am thinking about my BFF (I am laughing out loud at that term) whom I had a brief text exchange with last night. It was good to hear from her and I hope someday soon she will find it in her heart to forgive me and come back in my life like she use to be.