Yesterday was a totally unproductive day. My feelings ranged from guilt to not giving a fuck. I feel like I need inspiration…………………….. Today I have a noon time “public me” meeting so at the very least the day won’t be a total waste.
“Alarm Clock” Wednesday started out good – got ugly as Buddy had a mini meltdown but ended on a good note. Fortunately, I was able to pull over into a parking lot when Buddy’s mini meltdown started. The mini meltdown lasted a little over an hour and a half and I could tell he was trying very hard to calm himself down. He was listening to me – hearing what I had to say – and even taking some of my suggestions. If this had been a full-blown meltdown Buddy would not have listened – he would have been in his own little world and it would have lasted well over an hour and a half. He didn’t self harm as much as he totally destroyed the shirt he had on by literally biting it to shreds. I believe I would rather have him destroy his shirt than hurt himself. On a good note – after it was all over – we got to get in lunch and a little hike. He seemed fine by the end of the day – just a little sad.
I’ve been a little sad myself lately. You know I’ve got the “woe is mes” going on. No motivation – no inspiration – no desire to do much of anything. I find that I am happiest when I am outside preferably outside with Mother Nature – not outside in the City. So I have purposely dressed “down” for my noontime “public me” meeting and I am hoping to get some one on one time with Mother Nature today though it is extremely windy today and rainy at times so maybe a visit to the local art supply store will give me some inspiration – motivation. There is a good one right near the Starbucks we are supposed to be meeting at. I am laughing a little because I am sure the guy I am meeting will be looking for the “business suit” me and I am dressed more like the “going to the gym” me. Really………….who the fuck cares. Seriously who the fuck cares how I am dressed.
Nothing meaningful to say regarding SEH.
My foot/ankle is still sore.
Thought my doctor’s appointment was today – it was yesterday – fuck.
I don’t have many non prescribed drugs left and need to make a run. I also don’t have a drop of alcohol in the house. Unacceptable.
I’m not in a good mood………………….can you tell?