I THOUGHT I WAS LOSING MY MIND

I have lived in this apartment for almost 3 years now.  As I have said before it’s not the most modern of places but it certainly has character(s)……………in more ways than one.

Anyway for some time now I really thought I was losing my mind.   Seriously……………..thought I was losing my mind.  Over the past couple of years things would happen which would lead me to believe that I was in the beginning stages of dementia, Alzheimer’s or at the very least going off the deep end.

There have been times I have gotten home from one thing or another and said,  “I swear it feels like someone has been in here.” – And many a time there have been people with me to witness me say this.  One time there was footprints – looking like boot prints – right in front on my toilet.  I’m not a “neat freak” but I certainly wouldn’t walk through my apartment with boots on that were dirty enough to leave prints.   Mini Me was with me at the time and she was just as amazed with the boot prints as I was.  I even took photos of them.

There have been times I have gotten home from work to say to myself, “I could have sworn I left $50. on the table this morning!”  Or I would spend an hour looking for a pair of earrings that I could have sworn I had put back where I keep all my other earrings only to never find them.   There was also a time I went to bake something that I had bought the ingredients for a couple of days prior only to find out I didn’t have a key ingredient that I (yes, that’s right) could have sworn I purchased.  That particular one drove me so crazy I dug through the trash barrel until I found the store receipt which showed indeed I had purchased it – so all I could think of was either I didn’t put it in the bag or lost it somehow on the way from the cash register to my car to my garage to my apartment.

Those are just a few examples of things that were happening and those things were making me think I was losing it.  It is no surprise to anyone who reads my blog that I take a lot of drugs – some legal and some illegal – one of the legal drugs I take is Ambien which is a prescribed sleep aid and if it wasn’t for Ambien I wouldn’t sleep.  One night I took an Ambien – didn’t give it a second thought that it was the last one – I just left the empty bottle on my nightstand, as I always do, to call in for a refill in the morning.  That next morning when I called the person working at the pharmacy said to me “Hot Mess we show that you should have 10 left and we can’t refill it yet.”  I hung up the phone, looked at the pill bottle, did the math in my head and burst out crying.  I called Mini Me and sobbed into the telephone that I thought I was eating them in my sleep or worse that I was losing my mind and told her the things that had been happening.  Mini Me convinced me I wasn’t losing my mind – that maybe they short-changed me at the pharmacy – but Mini Me also convinced me to tell the docs just in case the cancer had spread.  Of course this freaked me out even more (thinking about my late sister – and another blog post all together) but the cancer had not spread – the brain scan confirmed that.  So – that only left one thing – I was indeed losing my mind.

Many, many different things have happened over the past couple years – some bothered me more than others.  I didn’t say much to anyone again after the Ambien incident until………………….fast forward to the present day.

I am in my usual position on the couch with the laptop drinking my morning coffee – no television – no radio – just me, laptop and coffee which is how I spend most of my mornings.   I hear something – and no doubt about it – it is the sound of a key being put into the lock of my door.  I always chain my door when I am home – a habit – a good habit – thankfully.   I put the laptop down and stand up just as the door begins to open.  I was not afraid – I was pissed!  All I did was say – very loudly – “WHAT THE FUCK!” just as the chain stopped the door from opening.  The door quickly closes and the key is being pulled out simultaneously and I hear something being said by someone with an accent but could not make out what they said.

I am not exactly properly dressed for company or chasing criminals (a t-shirt and nothing but a t-shirt) so I run down the hall, grab my bathrobe and my gun and go right to the door, unhook the chain and throw it open.  What I thought I was going to do I have no idea.  All I know is I was pissed and I wanted to know who it was damn it.  No one was there – I look up and down the hall – nobody – I go to both staircases – nobody.   I’m pumped up and feeling very much like a Angelia Jolie in Mr. & Mrs. Smith.

After coming back into my apartment I call the management company – telling them what happened – and telling them I am not leaving my apartment until the locks have been changed and how I am sure when I file a report the police will want the tapes (there are security cameras throughout the whole building – or so I thought) and I am not exactly nice to them on the phone – I am pissed – PISSED because it was someone with a key – it wasn’t someone picking my lock – it was a FUCKING KEY!  Hello!  Did you hear me – a key!  This tells me it is either management or maintainance.  HELLO!

The management company was here in record time and it was the Big Guy himself.  Big Guy and I have a good relationship and he is mortified at what happened and by then more upset than I was.  Because in the short period of time it took the management company to get here I realized something.  I wasn’t losing my mind.  I WASN’T LOSING MY MIND.  Everything fell into place – the missing money, food, earrings, candles, cds, drugs – the footprints – the uneasy feeling – everything – IT WASN’T ME – I WASN’T LOSING MY MIND.  Holy shit – I was not losing my mind.

Big Guy took note of how claim I was and I told him the “losing my mind” story.  He looked at me like I was.  After the locks were changed I did what I needed to do so I could get my ass dressed & down the police station so I could file the report where I was scolded firmly by any police officer I came in contact with.  Scolded and reprimanded for not calling the police right away – my bad.  To be honest I didn’t even think of calling the police.  They didn’t get in – I wasn’t hurt – they took off – and I was more concerned about getting the locks changed and finding out who the fuck had been letting themselves into my apartment and helping themselves to my belongings.  It was also noted by the police how calm I was and I told them the “losing my mind” story too.   They thought it was rather amusing.

As I was talking to one of the detectives in walks Big Guy.  It seems that my apartment was never re-keyed after the prior tenants moved out.  AND the prior tenants were now living directly DOWNSTAIRS from me.  It also turns out those nice security cameras throughout the whole building that always made me feel safe haven’t been working in ages (though it was a great selling point when the reality guy was showing me the place.)  And according to Big Guy they have been “having problems” with the prior tenants and have been trying to evict them for some time now.  Big Guy provided all the necessary information to the police and it also turns out that the prior tenants are “known” to the police.  “KNOWN” as in their names & photos were in the computer but they would not provide me with any other information.

I didn’t keep track of these “losing my mind” incidents – there was no reason for me to considering I just thought I was losing my mind.  So, I have no idea how much money or belongings have been taken over the past couple of years.

In the afternoon a police officer who just so happens to be an acquaintance of mine was doing a “follow-up” visit with me in my apartment at the same time detectives were making a visit to the prior tenants DOWNSTAIRS.  We sat together on the couch and I expressed how lucky I was.  Lucky they didn’t just clean me out – lucky that I didn’t come home to find all my belongings gone – then I was like, “Yeah, why didn’t they just clean me out?” The police officer turned to me and said, “Hot Mess why would they do that – you were a bottomless pit to them! If they cleaned you out your locks would have been changed a long time ago and they wouldn’t have had a resource to keep coming back to.”  HOLY SHIT.  Mr. acquaintance police officer asked me to go through my apartment to see if anything else was missing.  All the important stuff (check book, laptop, etc…) are still here.  Chances are that as time goes by I will notice something missing as I have over the past couple of years.

Bottom line – it’s all speculation – without the tapes from the cameras or a witness there is no firm evidence.  I still feel safe here.  I am not afraid or scared – but I am pissed!  And I do feel violated – just thinking someone was going through my closets, my drawers, for crying out loud my refrigerator just gives me the creeps.  I’m wondering why they took the things they did.  And I am lucky – lucky they didn’t clean me out – lucky I didn’t walk in on them.  I’m grateful “they” now know I know and I am grateful the locks have been changed and no one – no one but me and the management company have a set.

I’m pretty exhausted – I can barely keep my eyes open.  I did more none-prescribed drugs today than I have in a long time.  Not good – whatever……………..I do not even know if this post makes sense.  Time for bed.

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4 thoughts on “I THOUGHT I WAS LOSING MY MIND

  1. Just to let you know the Ambien did the same thing to me. I would wake up in the morning and count the pills and notice I took too many. One night I took 20. 20!! I couldn’t believe it. I remember taking 2. I had a DUI a year a go and it scared the hell out of me to think I could’ve drove and not remembered it. I’m still on probation for it. It’s amazing how my body doesn’t shut down and overdose. I let the refills run out and will ask the doc for a different script. No more Ambien. I’m not going to chance it.

  2. I was on Ambien for three years due to insomnia. It wasn’t until a friend told me her doctor warned her not to use it for more that 6 months because it’s addictive that I thought to look into how to stop. There is no pain like laying in bed, dead tired beyond and thought or reason, and not being able to sleep.

    I also heard stories. My pharmacist told me about a patient who woke up in the middle of an empty car lot half hour away from home in the middle of the night. This person has slept DROVE to this random place. I had my own experiences with memory loss and odd behavior, so I’m glad to be off that stuff. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep on my own after being on it for so long.

    • Isn’t it crazy Nichole? I am glad I am not losing my mind but pissed they were just coming in here and helping themselves to anything they wanted.

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