December 2010 Flashback
Approximately 12 days after surgery to remove the middle lobe of my right lung due to lung cancer I walk into “Doctor stick up his ass.” office with the BFF and KK in tow to get the results of not only what they removed from my body but the PET scan. A PET scan is where they inject you with radioactive material and you must remain very still as they scan your whole body from head to toe.
I knew if he said stage 4 I wasn’t going to fight it. I did not know what I was going to do if it was another stage. I guess it all depended on what else was happening in my body. I wasn’t feeling bad – my joints were back to normal – thankfully and I had been weaning myself off the pain medication. I was meditating – thanks to the associate – and thinking positive.
After giving me a follow-up exam for the surgery the four of us sit in his office as he reads the PET scan results. Reads it line by line and I literally want to jump over the desk and strangle him. “The PET scan shows no cancer in the ankle region” and “The PET scan shows no cancer in the lower leg region. The PET scan shows no cancer in ………………” I really thought I was going to kill him. I wanted to scream “Just fucking tell me if it is anywhere else!” – Thankfully the cancer was nowhere else in my body according to the PET scan.
Now for the results of the lymph nodes and plural (lining of the lung.) Basically he reads the report line for line and again I want to kill him. He looks up and smiles – “Doctor stick up the ass” actually fucking smiles and says “the lymph nodes and plural came back showing no signs of cancer.” “I would stage you at 1A.” Of course he continues “you will have to see an Oncologist to determine the best course of action from here but as far as I am concerned – as of now- you are cancer free!” Hello! Cancer free! I kissed “Doctor stick up the ass” which made him smile again and felt pretty damn fucking good walking out of that office.
But that feeling of “pretty damn fucking good” didn’t last long when I looked over at KK. She was crying – she was crying and I wasn’t. She said she was happy for me but she hated her fucking cancer. She kept apologizing for crying – I just didn’t know what to do.
The Oncologist determined I wouldn’t need radiation or chemo – I would just need a CT Scan every 4 months for the first two years – every 6 months for the next three years after that. I should continue to NOT smoke ………… duh ……..and there was a 57% chance that I would live a “normal life.” So, basically I had a 50/50 chance of it coming back. Fucking great!
Then I started this blog a couple of months ago…………………………..