Yup, usual position plus a little space heater which I consider to be the best 40 dollar investment I have ever made. Slept until 9:00 this morning after another toss and turn night. I have said this before and I will say it again I do not know how people with insomnia do it. Sleep is so important to the body………..sleep is healing vapors to the soul – healing vapors to the body.
I wiped out when I was with Buddy yesterday and he found it to be very amusing. My ankle/foot gave out and my body followed it. Didn’t hurt anything but my ego maybe…………………….I even laughed. But then after I composed myself and we starting hiking again I started to think and we all know what happens when I think – it isn’t good. We were someplace new – I had never been there before – about 40 miles north of where Buddy lives. I didn’t have a trail map, I didn’t do my research and I didn’t tell anyone where we were. I was too busy looking around at the new scenery and wasn’t watching my footing.
Bottom line is if I had hurt myself – we were screwed. When we got back on a little more leveled ground I started talking to Buddy – again I don’t know what he understands or doesn’t understand I talk to him as if he understand everything. And for the record he very rarely responses to my talking. So, there I am in the middle of nowhere carrying on a one-way conversation.
“Buddy, did you think that was funny?” “Buddy, what would you do if Hot Mess really hurt yourself?” “Buddy, do you know how to use a phone?” “Buddy, can you slow down a little my ankle really hurts?” “Buddy, why didn’t I research this place?” “Buddy, I should have done my homework.” “Buddy, oh wow look a great walking stick!” “Buddy, seriously, can you slow down!” “Buddy, let’s just turn around Buddy, Hot Mess thinks we should go back!”
For the record I always refer to myself in the third person when I am with Buddy and I always refer to myself to the name he calls me. Buddy has a hard time pronouncing my “real world” name though a “quote” “normal person” wouldn’t and it has always been that way. I start each sentence off with his name so he knows I am talking to him and sometimes I have to ask him to look at me or I say something silly like “Buddy where are Hot Mess’s eyes?” so he will look at me. And instead of saying something like, “I think we should turn back.” I have to say, “Buddy, Hot Mess thinks we should turn around.” This is just the way his brain processes it and the way he understands. I am sure it can be very amusing to someone who is watching us try to communicate. Buddy does know some sign language and I am told he used it a lot when he was younger but as Buddy has gotten older his care givers prefer that he doesn’t use it and we try to get Buddy to vocalize more.
I was with Buddy for over 4 years before I heard him say “school bus” and point to it one day. I didn’t even know he knew what a school bus was. Imagine my surprise when he said “cigarette” when I lit up one day. I probably could write a pretty good book about my experiences with Buddy.
Long story – short – we finally get back to the car with another stick in the backseat and I say a silent prayer to the powers that be for getting us back to the car and that it is my left foot and I can still drive. I know I need to go get it checked but it is just such a pain in the ass. It’s been hurting for some time – my insurance sucks – and seriously it is not like I am going to let them do any surgery on it. I don’t know what the fuck I am talking about – I am just not in a good mood today. I would like nothing more than to sit here on my couch with my blanket and do nothing never mind interact with a slew of medical professionals, having to go over my story again and again, and making something that should be as simple as an ankle/foot x-ray into an all day affair. Ugh. Wow! I can bitch!
*SEH has some very serious personal issues going on with his family and I spoke at length with him about it yesterday. I feel bad for him and wish there was a way I could help but I am not his wife and I am limited as to how I can help. I haven’t seen him in some time. – Speak of the devil – he is texting me now.
*I have made the decision to spend Thanksgiving with Mimi me, her sister and their family. I have even offered to cook a couple dishes………….ugh………………..what am I thinking.
*Tomorrow will mark the 3rd anniversary of the surgery to remove the middle lobe of my right lung.
*I have a shit load of things that need to be done and I am having such a hard time getting my ass off this couch.
*I have been making notes and preparing for my last day at my “public me” job. I have a meeting scheduled for Tuesday with the person who will be taking my place where I plan on handing over anything and everything that could possibly help this person. I am hoping they will have a smooth transition and I will help them out anyway I can.
*All of a sudden I just got very sad and started to cry – with that said – I’m off. Peace out.