Blog Therapy

Yup, usual position plus a little space heater which I consider to be the best 40 dollar investment I have ever made.  Slept until 9:00 this morning after another toss and turn night.  I have said this before and I will say it again I do not know how people with insomnia do it.  Sleep is so important to the body………..sleep is healing vapors to the soul – healing vapors to the body.

I wiped out when I was with Buddy yesterday and he found it to be very amusing.  My ankle/foot gave out and my body followed it.  Didn’t hurt anything but my ego maybe…………………….I even laughed.  But then after I composed myself and we starting hiking again I started to think and we all know what happens when I think – it isn’t good.  We were someplace new – I had never been there before – about 40 miles north of where Buddy lives.  I didn’t have a trail map, I didn’t do my research and I didn’t tell anyone where we were.  I was too busy looking around at the new scenery and wasn’t watching my footing.

Bottom line is if I had hurt myself – we were screwed.  When we got back on a little more leveled ground I started talking to Buddy – again I don’t know what he understands or doesn’t understand I talk to him as if he understand everything.  And for the record he very rarely responses to my talking.  So, there I am in the middle of nowhere carrying on a one-way conversation.

“Buddy, did you think that was funny?”  “Buddy, what would you do if Hot Mess really hurt yourself?”  “Buddy, do you know how to use a phone?”  “Buddy, can you slow down a little my ankle really hurts?”  “Buddy, why didn’t I research this place?”  “Buddy, I should have done my homework.”  “Buddy, oh wow look a great walking stick!”  “Buddy, seriously, can you slow down!”  “Buddy, let’s just turn around Buddy, Hot Mess thinks we should go back!”

For the record I always refer to myself in the third person when I am with Buddy and I always refer to myself to the name he calls me.  Buddy has a hard time pronouncing my “real world” name though a “quote” “normal person” wouldn’t and it has always been that way.  I start each sentence off with his name so he knows I am talking to him and sometimes I have to ask him to look at me or I say something silly like “Buddy where are Hot Mess’s eyes?” so he will look at me.  And instead of saying something like, “I think we should turn back.”  I have to say, “Buddy, Hot Mess thinks we should turn around.”  This is just the way his brain processes it and the way he understands.  I am sure it can be very amusing to someone who is watching us try to communicate.  Buddy does know some sign language and I am told he used it a lot when he was younger but as Buddy has gotten older his care givers prefer that he doesn’t use it and we try to get Buddy to vocalize more.

I was with Buddy for over 4 years before I heard him say “school bus” and point to it one day.  I didn’t even know he knew what a school bus was.  Imagine my surprise when he said “cigarette” when I lit up one day.   I probably could write a pretty good book about my experiences with Buddy.

Long story – short – we finally get back to the car with another stick in the backseat and I say a silent prayer to the powers that be for getting us back to the car and that it is my left foot and I can still drive.  I know I need to go get it checked but it is just such a pain in the ass.  It’s been hurting for some time – my insurance sucks – and seriously it is not like I am going to let them do any surgery on it.  I don’t know what the fuck I am talking about – I am just not in a good mood today.  I would like nothing more than to sit here on my couch with my blanket and do nothing never mind interact with a slew of medical professionals, having to go over my story again and again, and making something that should be as simple as an ankle/foot x-ray into an all day affair.  Ugh.  Wow!  I can bitch!

*SEH has some very serious personal issues going on with his family and I spoke at length with him about it yesterday.  I feel bad for him and wish there was a way I could help but I am not his wife and I am limited as to how I can help.  I haven’t seen him in some time.  – Speak of the devil – he is texting me now.

*I have made the decision to spend Thanksgiving with Mimi me, her sister and their family.  I have even offered to cook a couple dishes………….ugh………………..what am I thinking.

*Tomorrow will mark the 3rd anniversary of the surgery to remove the middle lobe of my right lung.

*I have a shit load of things that need to be done and I am having such a hard time getting my ass off this couch.

*I have been making notes and preparing for my last day at my “public me” job.  I have a meeting scheduled for Tuesday with the person who will be taking my place where I plan on handing over anything and everything that could possibly help this person.  I am hoping they will have a smooth transition and I will help them out anyway I can.

*All of a sudden I just got very sad and started to cry – with that said – I’m off.  Peace out.

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