Yup, usual position after being in a coma for 12 hours. Unbelievably solid sleep – the kind of sleep that it doesn’t take much effort to make my bed because I barely moved. Extremely grateful that I have no obligations I have to attend to today. Wintery mix happening outside according to the meteorologist. I was disappointed as I went to the window to check it out. Nothing much but cloudy skies with a light dusting of snow / slush on the ground. I can hear the birds but I can’t see them and it makes me wonder where they are as what few trees are around are all bare.
I have a spare room which was – when I first moved in here – going to be my office. For a short time it was a spare bedroom and actually held a bed that went by way of a friend who needed one and seeing as I had only used the bed once I had no problem parting with it. I had grand visions for this room. I had decided I wanted a futon and a small desk. The futon for when I had a friend stay over and the desk to organize both my professional and personal paperwork. Maybe set up my laptop in there so I wasn’t always sitting on the couch. Then I decided I wanted it to be my “art room” – a calming place to set up my easel, organize my paints, maybe have some sort of music playing device in there – a place I can sort of shut out the world and paint or create.
Today that spare room holds a chest of drawers that stores my sheet sets and extra towels. That chest of drawers is the only piece of furniture in there but the room is far from empty. The room also holds over a half-dozen large Rubbermaid type containers filled with various objects from pictures (tons of pictures – thousands of pictures) to old Christmas decoration (when I use to celebrate that holiday.) I don’t even want to go into the room anymore – it doesn’t seem like part of my apartment – part of my life – it is as if it is a separate space that I have to occasionally enter to retrieve something. It saddens me to think it has never become that office I wanted or that art room I wanted.
So, I decided to do something about it.
Most recently I gave the majority of Christmas decorations away. I kept one string of white lights and you can see in the picture I posted what I did with them. I like it so much they will remain up as long as I am alive. The few decorations that are left over – that no one wanted – are neatly packed up and ready to be taken to the local Salvation Army or Goodwill store. Along side those decorations are also a few items that for some reason I purchased and never used – still in their original containers and will also go by way of Salvation Army or Goodwill.
I am working on one box at a time and recently hit a wall. I hit a wall because at least two of those large storage containers – and I do mean large – like huge – are filled with nothing but photos. Either photos I have taken over the years or photos that were in KK’s apartment and I just tossed them in one big container when I cleaned out her place. All these containers as well as some other things were once in a storage locker until one day it dawned on me I was paying to store these items when I had an empty room. My intention was not to let them sit in my spare room too long but due to circumstances beyond my control – well – you know the rest.
What I thought was going to be just cleaning up and getting rid of the contents of those containers so I can have my art room has turned into me sitting crossed legged for days – weeks – going through all these photos. Trying my best to sort them – sort them into piles – piles for giving away or adding to someone’s memory box which I am still working on. Almost every time I pick up a photo I spend so much time looking at it – remembering it – reliving it – and trying to pick a pile it should go into that the task is taking its toll on me – physically, mentally, emotionally. I just can’t believe how many photos there are – how any photos I have taken – how many photos KK took – obviously this was before the age of digital cameras. I can’t tell you the last time I got a “roll of film” developed. Some of the photos were my parents and grandparents – it is insane.
So as I finish up this post I am going to throw on some comfy clothes and enter that room once again determined to keep plugging along – determined to get that art room – determined to finish a task so someone else won’t have to do it when I am gone.