Isn’t It Ironic

Holy coughing up a lung Batman!  I have no words to describe how I feel this morning.  I almost want to take a photo of me and my surroundings and post it.  It is  – scary – borderline comical.  Oh my – is this what irony is all about??

Can you picture HotMess in her usual (bathrobe, couch, blanket, laptop) position?  My hair seems to have taken on a life of its own – ala Something About Mary with my bangs standing straight up.   Surrounded by used crumbled up tissues from blowing my nose and hacking up the grossest bodily fluids ever!

No surprise to anyone that mornings are tough but today seems different – really different.  Usually as the day goes by I start to feel better – takes me a little longer to get my shit together for the day but I do and I plug along.  Today it just doesn’t feel like I am going to feel better.  It feels like I am going to feel this way or worse until the end.   I want to get up – wash up – get dressed – and do some work – run some errands but for the first time I can honestly say I don’t know if I will be able to do that.

This can not be the end………………it just can’t.  I mean seriously the powers that be can not let me die around – at or on the Christmas season – seriously!  How ironic would that be for me to die on what was supposed to be Jesus’s birthday?  How freaking ironic is that?  Don’t listen to me – I honestly don’t know what the fuck (though I wanted to write WTF) I am talking about.  Why do I want to write like I am texting?

I am on my 2nd cup of coffee and I have already taken my fistful of prescribed drugs &  just a little not prescribed drugs waiting for them to work their magic but it is just not happening like it usual does.  UGH!  Work – damn it!  Is this denial?  Well – fuck that – I have already excepted my diagnosis and my future or lack there of and I am certainly not going down like this.

I almost – almost hit the “move to trash” button but I am not going to.  I am going to get up – I am going to brush my teeth and wash my face – I am going to get my hair under control – I am going to put on some warm and comfy clothes and I am going to go out.  I am going to run those errands though I may not get the “public me” work done I am going to try.  Maybe I am feeling this way because I was up late last night.  Maybe I am feeling this way because I caught a bug.  Maybe I am feeling this way because ……………… whatever but I am certainly not going down sitting on my couch, looking like an older fatter version of Cameron Diaz surrounded by used tissues.




5 thoughts on “Isn’t It Ironic

  1. Hang on in there. Hopefully it’s just a bug. My words seem so irrelevant and unhelpful, but I truly am hoping it’s just that – a bug. Take care X x x x

  2. More cigarettes more gin. ….. rest fuck the public you bullshit do the errands if you must. … save the energy for hiking, if you gotta go go in beautiful surroundings, if you wanna go down fighting. ….. fight, me when my time comes I want a cigarette in one hand a gin and tonic in the other, watching the sunrise over a dot distant mountain

    • Sounds perfect to me – a perfect way to kiss the world goodbye. I got up – I got dressed and my hair under control and ran a couple errands but I am back on the couch. Just feeling shitty. I hope you get out hiking this weekend and if you do take lots and lots of pictures please.

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