Oh my goodness you guessed it. I’m awake and in my usual position. Really it is a miracle when I wake up in the morning but the days I wish I didn’t are increasing. Just to maintain a body (never mind a soul) that is slowly failing is getting exhausting. No one teaches you how to die. It’s like when you have a child – they don’t hand you a manual when you are leaving the hospital that tells you everything that will happen to your child and what you should handle it.
Not too long ago I had lunch with the wife of a man who made a big impact in my life when I was a teenager. He was the owner and CEO of the very first company I worked for. I started part-time when I was in high school and he was probably the most stand up guy I have ever met. I was sadden to here he had passed away about a year ago – sadden because I would have made an effort to contact his family sooner – instead I typed out a 3 page letter to his now widow and told her how he impacted my life and how all these years later I still tell the story when the situation warrants it. I was both happy and surprised when his widow called me and invited me to lunch. I always thought she was a wonderful woman and the lunch just proved that to me all the more.
We met at a local restaurant and she looked exactly like I remembered her. I don’t know – for some reason I expect a little old lady using a cane to walk in but that didn’t happen. When she walked in – she looked the same – Father Time had been good to her. She told me she was so touched by my letter that she was going to include it in the book she was writing. What? Wait. What book? She told me that her late husband left this world on his terms – how he spent his last days – how she and her family supported him and she was writing a book about it and thinking of calling it something along the lines of “Dying with Dignity” or grace. By the time she finished talking, finished telling me about this, tears were streaming down my face and I was sobbing so badly and just like I remember her being – she was so calming – so motherly – so beautiful and we talked for hours. I left there feeling better – it was as if she transferred her calming demeanor to me. What a truly amazing woman she is. The story she told me really was so wonderful and I really hope she does write that book. I think it would be a best seller.
This morning when I woke up I wasn’t feeling all that great and yesterday I napped for the first time in a while. It’s like my body is going through these peaks and valleys and right now I seem to be headed down into a valley. Have you ever noticed I write more when I am not feeling well – I just did. It’s raining today (I also write more when it is raining out) and I have no plans this weekend other than to watch an important football game tomorrow and maybe work on the walking sticks. I found this one this past Wednesday when I was with Buddy. It’s too beautiful to paint so I cleaned it up, sanded the shit out of it and have put 5 coats of polyurethane on it so far. I love its shape – the knob (or whatever it is called) on what will be the top of it – the palm of someone’s hand fits nicely resting there. I don’t even know what kind of wood it is. And I have to give Buddy all the credit for spotting it – just when I thinking he was pretty “out of it” that day he up and points to it……..love that guy.
Someone sent me this article entitled “Midwives for the Dying” and I found it fascinating. The women who sent it to me is a relative of the BFF. Probably 5 years ago I remember her talking about this and saying there was a need for it and I didn’t pay too much attention – Now I am.