Yesterday was a totally unproductive day. My feelings ranged from guilt to not giving a fuck. I feel like I need inspiration…………………….. Today I have a noon time “public me” meeting so at the very least the day won’t be a total waste.
“Alarm Clock” Wednesday started out good – got ugly as Buddy had a mini meltdown but ended on a good note. Fortunately, I was able to pull over into a parking lot when Buddy’s mini meltdown started. The mini meltdown lasted a little over an hour and a half and I could tell he was trying very hard to calm himself down. He was listening to me – hearing what I had to say – and even taking some of my suggestions. If this had been a full-blown meltdown Buddy would not have listened – he would have been in his own little world and it would have lasted well over an hour and a half. He didn’t self harm as much as he totally destroyed the shirt he had on by literally biting it to shreds. I believe I would rather have him destroy his shirt than hurt himself. On a good note – after it was all over – we got to get in lunch and a little hike. He seemed fine by the end of the day – just a little sad.
I’ve been a little sad myself lately. You know I’ve got the “woe is mes” going on. No motivation – no inspiration – no desire to do much of anything. I find that I am happiest when I am outside preferably outside with Mother Nature – not outside in the City. So I have purposely dressed “down” for my noontime “public me” meeting and I am hoping to get some one on one time with Mother Nature today though it is extremely windy today and rainy at times so maybe a visit to the local art supply store will give me some inspiration – motivation. There is a good one right near the Starbucks we are supposed to be meeting at. I am laughing a little because I am sure the guy I am meeting will be looking for the “business suit” me and I am dressed more like the “going to the gym” me. Really………….who the fuck cares. Seriously who the fuck cares how I am dressed.
Nothing meaningful to say regarding SEH.
My foot/ankle is still sore.
Thought my doctor’s appointment was today – it was yesterday – fuck.
I don’t have many non prescribed drugs left and need to make a run. I also don’t have a drop of alcohol in the house. Unacceptable.
I’m not in a good mood………………….can you tell?
A Hot Mess 
Finally! I am so glad to hear you were yourself in the public you. Make yourself happy. I get there is a time and place for certain clothing but its always bugged me that you have to change who you are in public. I hope your day ended better and I think you have a talent for art. I encourage you to do some painting when you are in a mood. Its a good way to express that mood and I enjoy seeing your stuff.
Thanks Nichole for your ever encouraging words. Just think after the 1st of the New Year the “public me” is gone forever…………..yay
So, new to the blog here…. what is the “public me?”
Hi Aussa – The whole “Public me” is hard to explain but I will give it my best. My job is very much in the public eye – where I am scrutinize & criticized, need to dress and act just so. It is fucking exhausting …………… I took a brief look at your blog and you work in a psych ward? I figure if I don’t die first I will end up in one. Can’t wait to read it.